Why: Postmortem
The Return of the Century!
When I first began this substack, I wrote a very short post titled, Why? It was all about my journey up till that point in time, and to show the contrast from what I wrote then, and what I write today, we take a look back at that short post:
“You're good to go, Nate. You can exit the test now.” I close my laptop, and 15 seconds pass by of blankly staring at my wall, which turns into a look of rage and frustration. I flunked the LSAT. I proceeded to get a couple of punches in on my desk, and tears began to stream. 5 months of my life studying, right down the toilet. I let everyone in my family know of my terrible news, and let the grand ole pity party begin.
I came back to sit in the same seat again. “No more anger, Nate,” I tell myself. The Philosophy degree I have been striving for has finally paid off in some way. My inner Philosopher came out, as it usually does in any of my podcast episodes. I open my laptop and go straight to Canva. I began to create a logo that would change my life in so many different ways soon after this fateful day.
A few weeks later, I received a score of 151. As you can imagine, my ego erupted within me, attempting to convince myself I could tell everyone it was a 160, give it that 9-point boost to allow my ego to persevere through such embarrassment. Then again, one of my many favorite authors crept into my head and said, “No, Nate, not today”. Fyodor Dostoyevsky said to me,
” Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” (The Brothers Karamazov)
While the full quote did not cross the transom in my mind, the essential idea of facing up to reality was one I needed to practice.
The reality was that maybe Law School wasn’t for me, which frustrated me beyond belief. I told my whole family, it was my goal, at every Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, New Year, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Birthday, you get the point. This was a problem that needed a solution. The solution was the logo I made a mere minutes after flunking the LSAT. The Lawyers in the Making Podcast. The idea itself always loomed in my head, especially that summer, of how I could begin my own body of work. A month later, the journey would begin, and I would finally type into the Google search bar, How to Start a Podcast.
So why? Why am I telling this story? The first question I get from guests and new friends I made from those tuning into the podcast is, Why did you start the podcast, Nate? And I tell them the story above, with all the honesty in the world. While experiencing the events, the thought never came into my head, “Ooo, this is gonna be a good story to tell one day.” Rather, I learned once and for all that even when you're down and out, there is always time to dust yourself off and pick yourself back up. My experience so far doing the podcast has been immense, and I can’t thank everyone enough, especially the guests and the listeners, for sharing the wisdom and experiences that they have been through in their lives. I believe everyone has a story to tell; it is just about hitting that record button and letting the rest of the world hear it, as I am doing right now, typing on my computer, on a surprisingly very nice winter night in Albany (Maybe I stay after all, who knows).
Nice work past Nate, so many grammatical errors, but we will survive, now back to today:
The first thing that stood out to me was the fact that during the writing of this article, deep worry still surrounded me, but life was good. It was the start of something new. I felt as if I was entering a new season of my life, full of excitement and hard work. During this time, I had just begun my internship at Rhetoric, and it felt like I was finally getting closer to something I was deeply passionate about.
As the months went by, the podcast and articles marched on, and I began to build a real cadence. The only problem was… I had to go back to school. This surely disheartened me, as I felt I was truly carving out something else for myself. As more and more time was dedicated to working outside of school, I stopped attending school. Yes, I can now admit, after receiving my degree, the “Senioritus” was real. But, I spent a lot of time spending time with friends and family, going back home more often than not, as well as being social at school.
As time went on, and as you all probably saw, my podcast and articles began to decrease immensely. As I was trying to pass my classes, I was still involved in my fraternity, interning at Rhetoric, and oh, right, ever tried to plan a live podcast event?
I began to truly feel the pressure of doing all of this at once, a balancing act like none other. But I look back now and realize just how worth it it all was. As I got to the end of the year, the full-time job at Rhetoric was still in sight, but I just had to wait a bit longer. I wanted to be a part of this so badly, and everything I had done up until that point was to lead me to a post-career job, one that solidified that the unique journeys truly exist. Of course, I love doing the podcast and writing these articles; it’s therapeutic for the mushy brain. But in the real world, like the one I am in now, you need money like you need oxygen, and one great, if not the best way, to make money is to get a job.
So, following my graduation, I would split my time between my internship and none other than… Drum roll, please…
Shoprite.
Yes, I was back in the lovely produce section doing what I love in life, stocking and organizing fruits and vegetables. (Disclaimer: I do not work there anymore) It was fun for the 3 weeks I was there, and I made some money, mission accomplished. Got to brush up on those all-important soft skills, too.
Regardless, the past couple of months were some of the hardest of my life, and not because there was nothing in the future to look forward to, but that one event, getting the full-time job, was right there and so close, and I just had to be patient. The hardest part is being patient, as you wait for the universe to make it your turn.
As I look back, I realize that first, belief, self-belief in particular, is the most important ingredient to have in this success soup. If I had never believed in myself from the beginning, none of this would be possible. I have always believed since I was a child that I would be wildly successful and live the life that I want to live. But I constantly doubted this belief, pushed it down until it was buried in my mushy mind, never to be seen again.
But as college went on, and I became more and more ambitious and had the first taste of “Holy Shit, I can do anything”, ideas came my way, and execution was the only thing I had to worry about. And executed I did, starting my podcast, starting this substack, having my live event, and guiding me to where I am today.
I remember in my first apartment in Albany, I would sit out on my balcony for hours at a time, till 2 or 3 a.m., and imagine all the possibilities of what I could accomplish in the future. Everything I aspired to be has happened, but the job is truly never done. The learning is never to be stopped. I am still only 21 years old and have my whole life ahead of me, and for the sake of humility, I still do not know much.
Those early months of the podcast, and through the summer, the self-belief I had all this time began to beam out of me. I truly deluded myself into thinking that I could accomplish everything I wanted to. And that delusion has led me to today. The obsession of wanting something so bad overtook me day after day, and it still holds over me to this day.
In the end, I have never been happier in my 21 years of living on this earth, and I owe it all to everyone who reads these articles and listens to my podcast. It’s unfathomable for me to think that there are people out there in the world who want to hear what I have to say, and what my wonderful guests have to say. I owe it to my guests as well for wrangling these people here in the first place. Also, what happened to my podcast, and what happened to me writing these articles every week (52 articles in 2025, I never forget, and we will get there).
When I began double-timing with Rhetoric and ShopRite, my mind could not handle all the work, and as a result, I had to take a step back. I always live by the fact that if I can’t give my 150% into something, it is not even worth doing. But now we are back for now, I say that because, well, you never know what could happen. Either way, we are back every week for the foreseeable future. More podcasts, Whiteboard Wednesday, and of course, these articles.
Anything is truly possible, my friends, you just have to believe that it is, and put in the work to do it. Be ready to climb down the mountain you're on and start at the bottom of another. That is where true resiliency is built against the pressure; you see the peak, you just have to start climbing. And most importantly, you never have to do it by yourself; that just makes it much, much harder. Use the help of others, and stick so much information in your head that it starts coming out of your ears. Then the real fun starts. Everyone was a story to tell, because life is a book that you write. Make it a good one!
P.S. I am returning and staying in Albany, past nate was right.
Well, folks, that’s all from me, Nate Crespo, your host for today and FOREVER! Times have been the best they ever have been, and the best of my content is yet to come. So, as always, stick around. I love this stuff too much to stay away for too long.
Happy Monday! (For those who celebrate)