Grappling with Uncertainty
Expect the Unexpected
The time from taking a test to getting that grade back. The time from applying to a job to receiving a response, attending an interview, and waiting to find out if you got the job or not. While time does not move any faster or slower, moments like these make life feel like an eternity. I myself, for all my life, just as everyone else, have dealt with these kinds of moments countless amounts of times.
And because of these moments, when I arrived at college, my life would be consumed by Philosophy. Over time, book after book, Philosopher after Philosopher, all would have some commentary about moments like these, putting words in place for these very grey and confusing feelings.
One approach that I clung onto at first was Stoicism. Much of Stoicism left me empty, rather than full. Through the practical use of Stoicism, I felt I was pushing down these moments, to allow them to erupt in the future, a brain blast of anxiety, that would put me back right where I started. Then I would find the Existentialists, which are still to this day my favorite. The likes of Dostoyevsky, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, and many more would have a huge influence over me, as their writing was unlike anything else I have ever read.
The way these authors, especially Dostoyevsky, spoke to me would explain to me my feelings and my emotions to a level that I could never express through my puny brain. For the most part, my biggest takeaway from my still ongoing study of existentialism is that we are always going to be confronted by problems and worries in our lives. It is the quality of those problems and worries that makes it well worth persevering through the end.
I spent the better part of my teenage and young adult years trying to rid myself of any worry or problem I ever had, not realizing… that doing that just doubles the amount you have.
The greatest of truimphs and the lowest of lows, all make sense looking backwards, but in the moment, can become those feelings that life has stuck me right in the mud of shit, pardon my French. Then one day I came across a man whom I had never previously encountered, the fantastic Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert, and author of numerous best-selling books, most of which I own. In light of the “always having problems” debacle, something struck me when he offered the fact that he indeed could tell the future.
Then I thought to myself, why does this resonate so deeply with me? Because all my life, as well, I thought I could tell the future. But not in a good way. All my life, deep within me, it always felt as if nothing went my way, and it was made worse due to the fact that I always EXPECTED it not to go my way. Like, damn, I wish I could tell the future, but for the good stuff!
Scott Adams would take 3 simple words to reshape and reframe my entire world.
Design is Destiny
These three words would be the driver for all that has occurred in my life. If you plan it right, if you leverage your actions every day, it is almost a 100% guarantee to give you an outcome that is net positive. Key word NET. Meaning bad things will always happen along the way. Some things will not go your way. But in the long run, you make up for those losses in some way, shape, or form through the everyday wins.
It was critical for me, early on, to understand that this designing is not just a one-year endeavor, but a 4- to 5-year everyday grind. We return to a word that has been mentioned more often than not in these articles: exponential growth.
The most powerful force in the world is at our disposal every single day. The power to continue to do those force-multiplying actions that build and build over time. But what does this, of all things, have to do with uncertainty? It shows us that we must become comfortable in the face of uncertainty. Have the utmost faith and self-belief that events will work out in your favor eventually.
Uncertainty, just like our problems and worries, will never disappear. Make those actions that happen every day that make those uncertainties disappear just that little bit. After a year, you will look back and first be grateful that you stuck to it, and second be further motivated to keep it going.
And this is exactly what happened to me. I have written so many articles at this point that I am unsure if I have told this story, but because it’s relevant, we will run it back. Around the middle point of my Junior Year of college, I was around 18 episodes into my podcast. It was growing steadily, and I kept making new friends and meeting new people on the internet. It was a fun but also stressful time in my life. I was happy, all things considered, but something was weighing down on me heavily.
I was now a year and a half away from graduating from college, and while I knew I would be a Senior the following year, beyond that, I had no idea what the future would hold. I was putting off Law School, and needed something new. Going into the Spring semester (which in Albany is 15 weeks of Winter, one week of Spring, and one week of Summer), the podcast began to take up more and more of my time. Still being tremendously involved all over campus, school was beginning to be sacrificed, and getting poor grades was the antithesis of the previous 2 and a half years of college.
From January to March were extremely tough months, and the decision finally came as to where I was going to shove all my chips in. I decided to take the leap of faith, and put 100% of my daily energy into my Podcast, starting this substack in March of 2024 and beginning to write these articles to show myself that I was willing to make the bet on me and this platform I created. Looking back, it paid off, but in the moment, I was worried sick.
Despite these feelings, deep within me, my self-belief never once wavered. In April of 2024, in one month, I would record over 20+ podcasts, and some days have 3 podcasts a day. 3 months of a pit in my stomach, and then an outstanding amount of glory that followed it. That Spring into Summer, I would gain my 3 sponsorships, have some of the biggest Lawyers in the world on my podcast, and begin to position myself to be as creative as possible going forward with my platform.
This tale is not about the achievements, but the immense struggle leading up to it. I knew in the long run that the constant anguish I felt looking at my grades, showing up late to every single class (This is my signature move), and being so unbelievably uncertain about what even the next week would look like, would be all very worth it in the end. While the hockey stick of growth has not quite emerged, I know that one day, 2 or 3 years or even 5 years down the line, I will receive the dividends of my daily efforts.
With all that being said, keep acting, keep working towards those big goals, because it will always be a win in the end, no matter the outcome. In the end, the quote still rings true, and through my story, despite my deep uncertainty,
Design is Destiny!
Well, folks, that's all from me, Nate Crespo, your host for Today and FOREVER! This article certainly took a turn when story time began, and it was truly just spilling out of my brain onto the page. Nevertheless, this article has been in the drafts for weeks, and I was very happy to finally dust it off and finish it out. New article tomorrow as well, anddddd,
Happy Thursday!